The Problem With A Problem-Solving Mind

So difficult to find balance, to keep all those plates spinning at once. I think about all the parts of my life I try to keep ticking on with good consistency. Rarely do they all stay in the green zone and if they do then it’s just a matter of how long will it stay that way?

I start working out more consistently, my writing habit slips. I start writing more, my diet becomes less disciplined. It feels like a game of keeping the bars full. Developing a strategy is to run efficiently.

Most times I’m fine with this game of life, those rare days I’m simply not. I’m not sure why or when they come, but there’s always a breaking point.

So do I have this point as a moment of respite?

Finding an answer, it’s never the problem I have. The problem is finding the right one. I can either give myself a break and be kind to myself, or I can inspire and push through it, seeing it as a chance to improve.

Neither answer is objectively wrong, but knowing when they fit the moment is hard. Knowing which one to use at the right time feels impossible. As someone who is not intuitive with such feelings and intellectualises most things, this is a weakness for me. Because I can’t think my way out of this problem. It comes from somewhere else, somewhere I find difficult reaching.

Guess what? I have plenty of ways to solve this issue as well, I mean plenty of potential ways. Such is the way of a problem-solving mind. This isn’t something that can ever be fully solved, you can solve it temporarily, but you will have to do it again in the future. Tweaks and variations are due to the complexity of ever-changing life, big or small.

Maybe my mind can only work like this? Finding it hard to accept the way life really is. Is this is most of life, the mundane of trying to get everything in order. You will always be working on it. It’s just a matter of perspective you place in the living it.

There will be days when Sunny-side up isn’t an option.

Tired huh? Yeah, me too. This is how the burnout happens, constantly needing to be on top of everything. When you aren’t, you chastise yourself for incompetence.

Feel it all, because just like our life and the changes that come with it, so will our feelings. Thoughts come and go, emotions flow by like a leaf on the river. You can watch them go observe how long they stick around, although sometimes they go without you noticing until you’re sat there one day realising you don’t feel the same anymore you use to. Only something feels different, you feel lighter.

So knowing what I feel today, I wonder how I will feel tomorrow? Maybe I won’t feel the same way. I will hold it all now, feeling easier, knowing one day it will float down that river.